follow me head 'cause me heart's fucked up!

I have to start following me head
'cause me heart's fucked up.
it won't let any sane thoughts linger for long, it insists on being all lovvy-dovvy and fuzzy feely.
I'm fed up with it.
I don't fancy being in love any more,
I don't want a relationship ever...(?)

me plan's to put a permanent end to it tomorrow, not see him for as long as it takes to get over him, have fun with the lads this weekend and hook up with mr A.
I suspect I'm kinda buggered if that fails...
have to do it now though 'cause we kinda made loose but romantic plans this weekend and I can't keep those. obviously.

talking it through with the lads last night made me realize how bloody daft I've been since 1am Saturday. even felt wee bit ashamed at how gullible I've been yet again.
no more.

we're through.
he's better off without me.

another week of emotions

what started with me not falling deeper, not engaging meself in further depts of this man...me just staying away basically turned into an intense long weekend of love, lust and closeness.
only it wasn't over just yet, i wouldn't be let of the hook now...

we had our best date ever on Thursday. it was too perfect, remember lying in bed afterwards smiling, thinking "I'm lucky to have such a perfect ending to this fling with the perfect guy." I couldn't bare to think of it as the perfect date showing me what perfect life we could have together and I've lost it all.
besides, I can't really afford to think of it as more than a fling and believe that I wasn't the only one who had feelings to show...

I managed to press the off-button with a result to show for it only to watch him press the on-one once more a few days later.
determined to walk out of this with the last word, I declined with pressing off with an action. I intended to stay on first base but ended up on third, but it felt ok, like the right move to make.

then the dreaded second double-date came along and I thought I was doing fine, being polite, funny and friendly. I was pleased at how I managed to keep it on a friends-date-level...or at least I did until about 1am... shite!
isn't there some saying that words uttered whilst drunk means crap-all?
the point is, I'm unable to trust and/or play games.

the content of it all being that I'm done.
finished.
finito.
adios.
no more.

me eyes really do keep giving me away...

picking up where I left off

the sun is shining, it's hot outside,
the leaves on the trees are still green
and the wind whispers summer...
it surprises me 'cause it feels like fall.

I love waking up to an early morning, smelling the coffee, listening to "rivstart", putting on me workout-gear and head out into a neighbourhood slowly waking up to a new day at school, on the job a.s.o.
feel the fresh air on me face, walking at a pace which makes me sound like an old locomotive-engine and just let me thoughts flow...

watching nature change from summer into fall into winter...
I love getting up and out there early in the mornings...

to breathe!

dried-up?

eleven days now...but who's counting?
I wonder if I'll be able to be a proper fb
with this lad like I claimed I could?
only time will tell...

I read through our texts last night and one made me decision feel easier. I should've done that a long time ago just, I should've kept that text in mind 'cause then I wouldn't be in this mess, I wouldn't have a broken heart and I never would've said yes when he asked that crucial question.

that text made me think that if he can do that whilst in a relationship, he's not b/f-material and yet, here I am...
if he can lie about going on a date with another girl once...I mean, hello, we spent hours talking and he didn't mention a girlfriend at all! to me it felt like a perfect first date, man was I wrong!

perhaps that's what I needed? to be reminded of that text, how that made me feel, what suspicions it aroused to make me go towards angry from sad?

closer to getting over him then I suppose...

if I could just stay away from him aswell, I'd be on a roll here! I felt quite pleased with us not seeing eachother for two weeks, felt like the right thing, taking the time I needed to get over him and remaining grand mates.
only then he rang...told me he'll be home early Thursday, planning to go home, fetch his car then come pick me up and we could do a reprise of that romantic night by the sea.
do you think I said no? 'course not, I melted and heard meself giggle happily and say yes. the next thing I knew, I had the whole late night picnic planned.
tragic.

where do the tears come from?

I know it's over.
I've known it's all over since Friday the 28th of August
and yet I fall into that world that seems to be from some grown up-version of nevereverland where it's all right, it's all perfect, it's all lovely and my heart feels like it's wrapped in babypink cotton candy.
then the bubble bursts when I realize, both to my own surprise and out loud, that I've fallen in love.
'cause apparently that's what the consequenses are in that world
and all that's left to wonder is:
where do all the tears come from?

I feel sick to my stomach. My inside is hurting more than my slipped discs. My world is turned upsidedown.
I keep crying although tears rarely fall.
I blame meself, how could I be so fucking stupid????!!
haven't I learned anything from passed experiences?? I'm not girlfriend-material, have we properly established that now or do I need more heartbreaks before enough's enough?

I'm not to fall in love, I'm the perfect rebound-chick, mate and fb... I'm not the sweet girl from next door that you introduce to your parents. Luckily enough, I got away with only hurting meself this time. as it happens, I'm not to see him for at least two weeks which should give me sufficent time to sort meself out, turn me world back around to normal, happy, single ME!

I haven't been this sad since T. is that a sign of age or is it a sign of dinkum? I miss HJ & RA, rebound-sex and yet I feel reluctant to.

I know he's happily exploring who to date next, so why do I let meself feel this way? these are my feelings aka my problem. no sense in burdening him with 'em, all I want is for him to be happy 'cause he's such a wicked lad and I do treasure the friendship I know we'll dearly keep from now on.

so although my heart hurt today, I gave him advice about a girl he fancies and tips on what to do on a date with her. I'll get over him soon enough. I just want him to fall in love with the right girl and be happy.
I know I'll be happy once I'm back to me normal, single, dating, fb:ing, emotionfree self.
geez, that sounded way more horrible than it is. promise.

a weekend of dates?

I've got a doubledate tonight,
drinks with the lads or a date tomorrow night + a hook-up
and am hoping for a lazyish moviedate come Sunday.
me datebook's full! ;o)

I do realize me behaviour may scream "she never even cared for him", but it's quite the opposite indeed... I did care. too much.
this is how I get over that, I turned me feelings off 8 days ago and I'm merely moving on.
I don't see the harm in that.

I have to protect me own heart from being broken. I can't allow silly feelings to get in the way of...oh, I don't know...life?
it's not like I'm trying to hurt anyone, I don't have that in me, this is just one of me many weird defense-mechanisms.

I am looking forward to the weekend, what better way is there but to jump right back in there but holloring? I'm not the kind of girl that pines and allows feelings to grow when it's obvious there wasn't anything there in the first place to have feelings about.

or as one of me fb's puts it
-"feelings are tricky business" :o)

hooking up

the party Sat. looked very promising for a serious hook-up between two mates,
the tales afterwards clearly states that they have a very different view upon hook-ups.
to me snogging isn't a hook-up, but sex is.
I hooked up Sat. ;o)

so why is hooking up so frowned upon by some people? everybody's doing so why not talk openly about it? some even refer to hooking up as the new dating, is it?

if I were to think of snogging as a hook-up, I'd definatley be hooking up ...uhm... alot! haha
lucky for me I don't 'ey? :p

funny though how you do get that itch, that sense of needing a grand hook-up sometimes, I feel that way right now and if things go as planned I'll be hooking up Sat. hehe

single me

funny how I never seem to realize the amount of feelings inside
until it's too late... or rather in this case it turned out to be just in time!

so telling him made me realize two things,
one: it didn't do either one of us any good and
two: it's time to put an end to things, this won't work.
so I'm shutting down. turning off. back to zero.
I'm single again.

just coming to terms with that, making that decision makes me long for the touch of me fb's, funny that, huh? ;p
I'm fully aware that it is a typical defense-mechanism of mine but me mind can't help but wander and I go through eligible dates in me head, tally them up.
kinda makes it easier to move on, to have a good time at the party tomorrow.

flirt, laugh and make plans to start seeing other guys again.

"don't look so sad
I know it's over
but life goes on and this old world will keep on turning
let's just be glad we had some time to spend together
there's no need to watch the bridges that we're burning

lay your head upon my pillow
hold your warm and tender body close to mine
hear the whisper of the raindrops
blowing soft against the window
and make believe you love me one more time
for the good times

I'll get along
you'll find another
and I'll be here if you should find you ever need me
don't say another word about tomorrow or forever
there'll be time enough for sadness when you leave me

lay your head upon my pillow
hold your warm and tender body close to mine
hear the whisper of the raindrops
blowing soft against the window
and make believe you love me one more time
for the good times"

"for the good times" by kris kristofferson
one of me fav sadsongs...

no = ?

how many times does a girl have to say no before a boy understands
that no doesn't equal maybe or yes?

it's a terrible feeling being the victim of sexual abuse. to have your body and mind violated, being pinned down, crying, repeating no even though it sounds more and more hollow as it progresses.

it's scary to be abused by someone you know and trust but reality is that it's way more common that that's the case rather than some stranger. it's complicated and you are constantly reminded of it.

the worst thing to deal with afterwards is the misplaced guilt and shame, feeling unfaithful... how do I tell the one I care about what's happened? I don't want to hurt him with this knowledge but I'd want to know if it'd happened to him...
I realize that the guilt and the shame is misplaced but that doesn't make it go away.

I feel soiled and like I've done a terrible thing. I can't help but feel that I am to blame... I don't want to hurt him! I've been blessed to have been able to talk it through with two wonderful mates and I will tell him, on Friday, I can't do this over the phone....
+ I want to feel his arms around me.

thoughts on sex 1

what's worse?
being single and having no sex or
being in a relationship and not having sex?
to me the answer's obvious!

I can only speak for meself but I choose to have a grand sexlife when I'm single. I've got a few sexpartners and we hang out, talk and have great sex. I prefer that to onenighters, think I've outgrown them.
I never could quite grasp the whole idea that women shouldn't hook up whilst single. I hook up and I do it good, as often as I please. does that qualify me to be a "loose woman"?


so I've figured out what's worse and that's not having sex whilst in a relationship.
I'll tell you why; because when one's single one can just send a naughty text to one of ones fb's and hook up but when one's in a longdistance relationship the naughty text sort of falls short of a hook up.


fancy knowing what brought this to mind?
two reasons:
one ~ I just realized I haven't gone without sex for this long since March!
two ~ me birthday's Monday and I won't get me promised special birthday-sex!

hahaha

am I?

Chandler: "I got her machine."
Joey: "her answering machine?"
Chandler: "no. interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

I've had a funny week...and not in the haha-sense of the word.
I'm not sure what to do, how to act or even how to be able to carry on with this...charade? game? continuum? oh I don't even know how to label it.
not that it has to be labelled at all but it helps.

I'm just so good at being what I am, myself. would that have to change drastically? I know it does but...still? :o(

Words I LOVE!

some words just stick, have more meaning
or just sound extra grand in me head,
here's a few of 'em:

Craic ~ Wongi ~ Duckey ~ Pumpkin
~ Cinnamon ~ Purple ~ Pebble
Wee ~ Firefly ~ Bulb ~ Vehicle ~ Bugger ~ Ship
Seduce ~ Laugh ~ Dram ~ Sunnies ~ Babe ~ Thingee
Barbie ~ Ginger ~ Sugarrush ~ Bash
~ Brekkie ~ Loveling
Snog ~ Bairn ~ Shine

Quirky me :p

we all have our quirky bits and habits,
here's some of mine :p

• I flirp me ears
• I rarely studder in both languages at once
• I always drink from the same spot on me glass
• I smile each time I see my reflection in a mirror
• I've got more energy than anyone I know
• I'm unable to let it show properly when I'm in pain or ill
• I drink coffee when I can't sleep
• if I don't get enough coffee, I'm just like someone who's had 10 espressos in 20 minutes
• I always pick the salt off me pretzels

sunless

I miss the sun, the heat, the sleeping outdoors on the patio at night, getting away with going to the beach in panties and a skimpy top, going out in glitter which reflects as the sun sets, evening-swims in the warm sea, barbies, flings, making me own icecream, fooling around outdoors, spending carefree days at the nudebeach, collecting freckles, going to me fav islands with picnics a.s.o.

I went for a wee walk down to the market before, felt like early autumn, I love fall but I'm not ready for it just yet... I could smell it in the wind and it made me think. I'm used to grand weather during the Gothenburg-party and me birthdayweek. I'm used to warm weather long into September so this is a miss, I feel cheated somehow...
bring back me SUMMER, please!

itchy nerves, happy face and the back from hell

how do I combine itchy nerves with a surprisingly happy face and the back from hell?
feel like running, want to be snogging and me back wants me crutch.
I might just hold of on the running and try some slowdancing instead...
just for now.

funny how one's head works at times. I've grown up widely aware, painfully at times, of how different, odd, I am from others.
me parents used to really push the positive side of it, tell me how unique and lovely I am, how I should learn to be proud over the attributes given to me, me personality, me laughter and me talent to make people around me feel happy.

I miss them so much. it's on days like these I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to them, ask for advice, hear daddy's silly jokes and mum's wise words.
better yet, I wish I could jump on the next bus, have daddy meet me at the busstation in Henån, listen to our tape in the car whilst I'd talk about all the silly things we both like with him grinning from ear to ear.
run down the crooked path towards the house, hear mum caution me about the slippery stairs daddy built out of big chunks of wood from the old railroad decades ago way before I reach them. how I'd slow down reluctantly 'cause I do remember how it hurts to slip on those, jump the last four to get to her faster, hug her tightly.
go into the house and feel at peace, at home, safely guarded from the pains of the outside world. sit down on me chair to eat mum's delicious homecooked supper, how she'd hurry to remove the laundry from underneath me seatcushion since I always lift it up before I sit down.
argue with dad in which order one should eat the food and how to tell left from right.

me sister's used to pointing out to me how fast I am. I reckon I'm slow but there she is, smilingly making me aware that I'm in me own world again.
I need that.
I reckon I'm ever so good at making sure everyone is up to speed but as I turn me back I'm back in the rhythm of me own world. me thoughts move quickly and I'm afraid I might hurt people whom I care about.

it takes such a lot to get me to open up, perhaps that's unfair, I don't know...
but people don't see that, to them I'm probably very open and they most certainly reckon they know me well, makes me sad thinking they don't. but still, I only want some people to really know me. I guess it's scary letting people into your sphere, there is a lot at stake. it hurts to be let down.
that's probably one of the major reasons why I tend to prefer to stay single, less painful. less work, less emotions and less agony.

I wish me summer'd stayed easy, problemfree and fun...
I fear that I'll get hurt, soon, I sort of wish on some level that I'd stayed single, continued dating and fooling around with me fb's.
but at the same time this feels real, important, right, dinkum, perfect, too valuable too miss out on...and that scares the shite out of lil' ol' me!

I know the forrest gump-voice in me head is to be avoided but I still hear it shouting louder and louder, making me feel trapped, making me want to snuggle up in a's arms and just feel worryfree.
maybe they're right in being unable to believe in me being "off the market" so to speak?
I did tell him from the start that I'm the wrong girl to choose, I'm not girlfriend-material.
I do blame meself, 'cause if I'd just stuck to me rule of only dating safe guys, we wouldn't have happened, he wouldn't have been able to push me on-button and I wouldn't feel so guilty and blue now...
I'm just no good and I'm not good at this.

I wish the chemistry wasn't there, I wish it didn't feel so right, I wish we didn't click as we did and still do.
I almost wish that we hadn't met but I don't want to loose out on him or on us.
because however I try to pull away,
us feels bloody grand!

I just wish we could have the time to talk, to be and clear things out.
figure this out, figure out eachother and figure out us.
but I reckon that's impossible so I'm continuing with pressing me off-button.
I can't do this.

"I'm not the sort of person who falls, in and quickly out of love
but to you I gave my affection right from the start."
~ joan armatrading

pee into the wind, man!

Joey: -"Oh yeah, go for it, man. jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!"
Chandler: -"Yeah Joe, I assure youif I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way!"

I spoke to two of me more shall I say sceptical mates today regarding me being "unsingle" as it happens, they are still convinced it's just a phase like last time that lasted a week and that I'll be "back" in time for me birthday.
'cause, as they put it, I have to admit that I'm the last person who'd give up dating and me fb's?
funny thing is though, I don't admit to anything like that at all.

I took the plunge. it's scary as hell and I might join Chandler in peeing every which way but life is all about taking risks right? :p
but why is it always harder to gamble with matters of the heart when I'm such a risk-taker in other parts of me life?

I do feel meself taking precautions, I can't help but pressing the big, red off-button.
I guess I'm only prepared to gamble with me heart so far as of yet...

I wish I would've met someone who moves according to my speedlimits but hey, that match seems impossible!
so what else can I do but hang back, watch him move and go along with his flow? I'm happy doing nothing else at the moment
'cause he's fab! ;o)

the only thing that worries me; besides me being his rebound-chick, is that I'll press off too much, get bored and terminate me chances with him. that I'll start thinking of this as a paus and just turn "single-me" back on, date and see me fb's, wellknown territory, as I know best.
as you do.

lost in lilacs

I lost myself just as the lilac bowers spread their faint promises of lost loves from summers past.
walking home alone, slowly, at dawn.
a smile lingers in my bodylanguage from the night before.
carrying my shoes and walking barefoot in the grass next to the asphalt, the dew cools my feet.

passing gardens booming with summerflowers, the early morning is filled with fragrances that enhances my senses.
I am reminded of past summers filled with love, music, dancing and early mornings before the heat sets in.

I lost myself in the early morning, slowly walking home alone, just as I smelt the lilac bowers.

the Gothenburg-Party is in full swing! :D

day one was suprisingly sunny, got to listen to a great new voice: esther williams + see the openingshow of the party, LOVELY!
best enjoyed with dear friends! :o)






second day of the party and I've gone from attending the kids part of the party, a walk and talk-tour of the old pubs and inns of the town to drinking beer, listening to rock and witnessing a mate get it on with two girls hahaha

I wonder what day three will bring... ;o)

day three was best spent on the couch. me back wasn't really up for anything else...

day four brought kisses, langos, grand mates, dancing, laughter, music and surprisingly cold weather but I still made the last tram home at 4:05am hehe



day five had to to be spent horizontal aswell unfortunatley...

day six was coffee in hammarkullen, lounging, watching the carnival, feathers and sambadancing, talking, cosy, kissing, making the train, seeing friends I haven't met for awhile, lovely Sunday :o)
got to talk to me loving bigsis, made things clearer, made me happy, made me long for her more...

I can't wait for the next
Gothenburg-party! :D

changing ones mind

I thought I was stuck in me ways.
I thought I couldn't even picture this.
I figured things'd stay as they were.

guess I took some pretty drastic measures to prove meself wrong.
the funny thing is that most of me friends doesn't seem to be onboard...or well, onboard but to them I'm still who I was, like this is just a phase...
I wonder if that is true, is this a passing notion?
am I just going through a phase?

I certainly know I'm not in it to prove something, on the contrary, I feel like I had to prove people wrong before, not now.
I surprise myself with feeling, with opening up, with wanting, with longing...

funny that I was having the time of me life in that department just two weeks ago and just see what a chance encounter landes ya! ;o)

it's just me and me twirly inside trying to make sense of it all, get used to it and allowing access...

the bullshit men refer to as talk

Phoebe: -"No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen"
Chandler: -"Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

is it a compulsive disorder with men to feel the need to say the "we-stuff" they reckon women wants, no sorry, "needs" to hear?
is it just when they're drunk trying to pull? or is it them just being true to habit?
I can't help but react with disbelief and the smile that goes with it.
are the words uttered whilst drunk less trustworthy than the soberly uttered ones?

I reckon so, I feel like I've treaded onto minefields too many times to ever be that gullible ever again....but hey, that's just this woman's humble opinion!
however, I do find it amuses me listening to blokes trying to pull with those tired old "we-lines" even if they try to pull me with them.

but then this bloke showed up, out of nowhere, and proved to be so much more.
I found that what usually makes me laugh, what I'm usually really good at brushing off silently crept under my skin.
I'm not sure I feel comfortable with someone making it inside without my permission...
I'm not used to feeling...something for someone I'm dating.
I guess I'm just good at being single.

I don't want to be one of those girls who falls head over heels for some empty, dumbass lines which burst like bubbles once the lights are turned back on...

closing time ~ time for you to go out, go out into the world.
closing time ~ turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
closing time ~ one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
closing time ~ you don't have to go home but you can't stay here...

I know who I want to take me home

so gather up your jackets and move it to the exits ~ I hope you have found a friend!
closing time ~ every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end!

Semisonic "Closing time"

that's what friends are for :o)

"keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure.
that's what friends are for.
for good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more.
that's what friends are for."
Dionne Warwick and friends

new friends, old friends, friends who have become ones family. it's hard to imagine life without them. I'm lucky to have friends who's stuck by me through thick and thin, through good times and really bad and for that I am forever grateful.
I wish I knew what I've done to deserve such loving friends.

I'm looking forward to pampering a new friend this weekend, be there for her, let her get what she needs off her chest....it's never easy going through a break-up, losing ones closest friend and lover in one swoop.

lots of talking, laughing, crying, dancing, singing and whatever more she needs to feel a wee bit happier is schedueled hehe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGbnua2kSa8

to be or not to be....friends?

Rachel: "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
Joey: [pause] ... "Are we still talking about sex?"

what is it they say about two-faced people? I don't remember but it makes me sad thinking about how this bloke I used to go out with turns into a totally different person when he drinks.
is what comes out then bull or true?

we try time and time again to be mates but he doesn't seem to know quite what to say then. although as soon as he gets some alcohol into his system, he turns into the charming lad who seduced me into dating him and he tells me things that makes me wonder about those days...yet again.

but then he goes and does something stupid and totally spoils his chances. last time he leaned forward and whispered into my ear: "are any of these guys a safer bet over me?" I smiled and asked: "do you mean just for tonight or for something more?" he hesitated a moment, then replied: "both" and I answered thruthfully: "yes".
I'm sure I would've regretted being so honest when I saw his hurtful expression if I hadn't been busy talking to the other guys.

we make plans to hang out, to keep in touch, to talk and he always vanishes into thin air without any word even resembling an apology. I'm so used to it by now that I always make other plans to avoid feeling the irritation grow inside.

our next planned meet is Saturday, when we're both out...
we'll see about that! :p

I love Mondays!

"and the scool's out early and soon we'll be learning the lesson today is how to die. and then the bullhorn crackles, and the captain tackles with the problems and the how's and why's and he can see (no reasons) 'cause there are (no reasons) what reasons do you need to die, die, oh
(tell me why) I don't like Mondays (tell me why) I don't like Mondays I want to shoot the whole day down"
Sir Bob Geldof

I don't remember how I came to love Mondays so but I do.
and I also love this song. why is it that you can listen to some songs over and over and over and never get tired of it? :o)

I love that Mondays feel like a fresh beginning, a new start. nice to go back to work, one day closer to next weekend and it's a nice evening to curl up on the couch on.

I remember when the new episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. was aired on Mondays, talk about a night to look forward to! hehe
but as a mate just reminded me of, there's no law and order on tonight so it's a crappy tellynight nowadays....if you're not a girly who loves lipstick jungle, 'cause then it's grand! ;o)

I wonder why that is....

"who I am is who I wanna be!"
- Reba

it sometimes makes me wonder why people seem to have such difficulties accepting who I am. I live my life how I fancy, not to suit anyone else. is that wrong?

don't get me wrong, I couldn't give a toss about what others reckon when it comes to me but it starts to get on me nerves when they're bloody rude about it.

it's the whole notion of society sort of surrounding single women that bugs me. why is it ok for guys to date and have fun, not to mention stay single? why isn't it ok for women to date, have fun and stay single?

how come everyone should strive towards, long for, yearn even to be in a relationship? is two the lucky number for everyone?

oh and if you happen to be a single woman, don't even think about staying anything but chaste. 'cause seriously, if you do fancy a bit of a rumble now and then, who'd ever take you on for a serious relationship like?
bollocks!

I'm single by choice, shouldn't have to justify meself for enjoying going on dates and I certainly won't justify for anyone how I handle me sexlife!
I do have one, single as I am.

summerflings and lost loves

my mum used to tell me that I should
"never chase after two things in life:
trams and boys.
because when you least expect it, a new one shows up!"

another saying is that when it rains, it pours...funny how that fits sometimes... haha

flirting and dating put aside, a lot has been fixing people up this year. fun to see friends find happiness, love and fun times in unexpected places. makes me smile.
some last a few weeks, some months or even years, but everybody could do with a summerfling to brighten up the dull everyday-grind 'ey?!
I know I'd never turn a hot summerfling down ;o)

I reckon the best way to set people up is to casually bring them together at a party or other, get them talking to eachother without them knowing they've been set up is almost me fav bit hehe
am a bit of a sneak but seriously, how fun is it to feel tricked into talking to someone you don't fancy + never even met before just because you're single?
I certainly do not enjoy that bit, the pushy, charital way people have of feeling sorry for their single friend... it's like "let's set her up with someone so that she'll be happy"!
I bloody well am happy, thank youse very much, now bugger off!!
better to do it sneaky and if it works then grand, if not, then there's always next party to see who hits it off with whom :o)

and about lost loves, why is it that some bits of your heart seem to be forever lost? are we supposed to claim them back when the relationship ends or just come to terms with the fact that we did love and that's gone?
I wish it was as simple as to just being able to just walk up to a counter, hand over your receipt and your missing piece would be restored.
no more haunting emotions, thoughts and memories.

but that me duckies, is impossible, we grow through our chances, experiences, loves, losses and who would want to be stuck in the same place for the rest of their life?
I wouldn't be where I am inside today if I hadn't loved and lost. I wouldn't change a thing.
I love me.

Weather-wise

"never been much for crying, nor have I sensed its gain.
I feel the emotions luring, as I listen to the rain."

the wind's making me think...alot.
I can't sleep as it's living it up outside. I hear it going through the leaves, playing with the flagpole's strings and sending a soft breeze in through the slightly open door. I shiver.

it makes me feel all autumny, ready for a fresh start. makes me long for a cup of tea, candelight and to be curled up on the couch under a cosy blanket.
I have to remind myself of what month it actually is before I climb up to reach for my winterduvet.

it is still july and I'm not quite finished with summer just yet...