another week of emotions

what started with me not falling deeper, not engaging meself in further depts of this man...me just staying away basically turned into an intense long weekend of love, lust and closeness.
only it wasn't over just yet, i wouldn't be let of the hook now...

we had our best date ever on Thursday. it was too perfect, remember lying in bed afterwards smiling, thinking "I'm lucky to have such a perfect ending to this fling with the perfect guy." I couldn't bare to think of it as the perfect date showing me what perfect life we could have together and I've lost it all.
besides, I can't really afford to think of it as more than a fling and believe that I wasn't the only one who had feelings to show...

I managed to press the off-button with a result to show for it only to watch him press the on-one once more a few days later.
determined to walk out of this with the last word, I declined with pressing off with an action. I intended to stay on first base but ended up on third, but it felt ok, like the right move to make.

then the dreaded second double-date came along and I thought I was doing fine, being polite, funny and friendly. I was pleased at how I managed to keep it on a friends-date-level...or at least I did until about 1am... shite!
isn't there some saying that words uttered whilst drunk means crap-all?
the point is, I'm unable to trust and/or play games.

the content of it all being that I'm done.
finished.
finito.
adios.
no more.

me eyes really do keep giving me away...